Lupus can teach others how to be better people

Well all, my mother left last night and we're all pretty bummed about it. My mother and I have a great relationship and she's so wonderful with my kiddos it's just heartbreaking to see her go; but, getting to see her more than once a year was pretty phenomenal. My mother has Graves Disease, an autoimmune disorder that attacks the thyroid gland; however, we think she has Lupus too because her symptoms are just like mine, apart from the Graves. She hasn't been diagnosed with it because her Rheumatologist doesn't believe in Lupus. (REALLY!?!) I learned a lot from my mother's disease when I was younger. I knew that I could end up with Graves because of genetics so I did a lot research and reports on it. Knowledge is power. Who knew I'd end up with Lupus instead?

Being sick and/or disabled has a huge impact on those around you, and it's not all bad. As much as it sucks for us, my being sick and disabled at times, has made my kids better people. My older two boys remember my having been in a wheelchair and they remember how badly I was treated by people. They watched as grown men and women would walk past leaving me to pry open doors in public places from my chair when there were no automatic doors available. They watched people give me dirty looks, avoid me, and walk the long way around us as I struggled to get in the van, get up ramps, and so on.


My boys learned early to assist me when needed by opening doors, grabbing food off of shelves, loading groceries into our van, and such. You know what's super fun? Passive aggressive public shaming, I mean, teachable moments. Yeah, I know, I'm a jerk, but when I was in a wheelchair with a toddler on my lap, a seven-year-old and a nine-year-old at my sides and adults walk through the "other" set of double doors while my little boys and I are trying to pry open and hold the doors so I can get into my doctor's office, the gloves are off my friends. I liked to, um, make loud public announcements like, "Thank you boys for helping since none of these people are capable of holding doors open for anyone other than themselves!" or "Thank you boys for showing these adults how to behave!" or "Thank you boys for helping since everyone else seems to enjoy watching us struggle!" What are those people going to do? Call me a liar or threaten a wheelchair bound woman with her children in public? Nope. They'd either ignore me, refuse to make eye contact, or apologize because they knew they were wrong. Ah, character building exercises can happen anywhere.

Now, when my boys, especially my eldest, see people in wheelchairs, they offer up assistance any way they can. As a matter of fact, my eldest son nearly got hit by a car running through a parking lot to help a woman in a wheelchair put her groceries in her trunk. My eldest son has high functioning autism, so he doesn't know that isn't "socially acceptable" to go against the grain where his high school peers are concerned. My having been in the wheelchair had such a profound effect of him, he's extremely protective of anyone who's stuck in one.

We'll call my eldest son Ryan. When Ryan was in ninth grade, his English teacher was in a wheelchair. The kids felt that was a legit reason to make fun of her and treat her with contempt and disrespect. This did not fly well with Ryan at all. He would yell at his peers to stop, leave her alone, have more respect, and he'd call them names for being such horrible people. Ryan got so upset and stressed out about how poorly this teacher was treated, at one point he left the class to cry to the Vice Principle. How many kids, especially teens, would take on an entire class to stand up for his teacher who could not stand herself? It's hard enough for Ryan to make friends because he's different, this didn't help. Ryan became the enemy and was treated as such by the students in his class. Being targeted by his peers wasn't enough though to temper his unwavering integrity, and he continued to protect that teacher until the end. She, Ryan's English teacher, and her husband were so touched by Ryan's concern and kindness, her husband came in and thanked him personally. They also let the administration know everything he did for her. Ryan didn't do what he did for a reward or thanks, he did it because it's the right thing to do and he saw me in the teacher.

Had I not been in the wheelchair, my boys and I wouldn't have been so acutely aware of how difficult it is and my kids may never have made it their mission to offer assistance to those stuck in them. That's pretty awesome.

Both my mother and I have been treated like crap by family for being sick. There are those who like to call us hypochondriacs, attention seekers, and when I was in the wheelchair due to debilitating back pain and losing the use of my legs, it was assumed by some, I was addicted to drugs. Hahaha!  It's crazy how judgmental people can be in an attempt to justify not helping or being there for you. If you are disabled or have an invisible disease, you've probably encountered this once or twice.  If you have a disability or disease and people are treating you poorly, send them to my blog so they can see that you're not the only one going through this. It's real. If you're reading this and you haven't lived with any of this, seriously, don't be that person because, karma.

My boys live this first-hand and it's making them more understanding and compassionate people. My boys help to clean the house when I can't do it and they ask what they can get for me when I'm down. So, my being sick has provided invaluable lessons for my kids that would never have happened otherwise. Moreover, if my being sick makes my kids better people, it's totally worth it in the end. I am so proud of my boys for the wonderfully kind people they're becoming, but you know, kids learn from their parents and you don't have to be disabled or ill for them to learn how to help those in need. They just need to see you do it. Yep, this is a challenge for everyone.

Feel free to leave comments. I'd love to hear from everyone. Have a wonderful day!