Elephant Condom!?!
Hello Everyone!!! Well, some fun and interesting things here. My immune system is dropping so I’m about to holster my Dove deodorant because I’m having to replace that more often. Another fun low immune system or vitamin deficiency issue I currently have is the cracks on the edges of my lips. I look like I started trying to go Joker, cut the corners of my mouth and said, nope, not for me. No, not the metro smiley face hand “My So Called Life“, Joker. The Heath Ledger, where’d the pencil go, Joker.
I went to the E.R. day before yesterday. I went to the civilian E.R. to avoid getting treated like garbage by the military E.R. I did try for days to get an appointment with my doctor and was told to go to the E.R because nothing was available within a month… So, for you E.R. doctors out there… It wasn’t my choice. The trek out of the way was all for not because I was treated like crap anyway and sent home. I cried, begging the doctor to help me, and I got shot up with Toradol and sent out without your typical 10- 15 min post shot wait. They got me right out of there moments after the shot. I didn't want drugs. I wanted to find out why this was happening. Nice guys! I went crying to my clinic and holy cow!!! They magically found an opening for me to be seen yesterday. But first, lets rewind because no one knows why I went in the first place.
I’m walking through the grocery store and my youngest has to go to the bathroom. I send the 14 year old to escort the 7 year old in the men’s bathroom because the family bathroom was occupied. I’m standing there and I’m like WOW! I’m not falling but I feel like I’m falling and the wall full of Back-to-school snack products is falling too. But we’re not falling. Nope. Not sunshine acid or any other psychoactive drugs, just my normal Lupus ones. The walls stop floating eventually and I’m like, ok, lets go. Though I was holding on to the cart, I’d fall to the sides and grab on to my boys’ shirts so as to not face plant and require a clean up in isle 5.
I feel like we got through most of the store with my having a slight drunk walk/stumble and all of a sudden, the lights are painful. It’s near death experience bright, only not peaceful and it hurts. So, I’m wearing my sunglasses and stumbling through the grocery store, with kids, looking like I’m on a bender. YAY LUPUS!!! So glad I did not have the police called on me because out side looking in, I would have seen me and been like, that bitch ain’t driving those kids! Next thing I know, my ears hurt. The pain comes and goes but holy crap it is excruciating. I couldn’t eat and I made sure to have a barf bag, aka grocery bag, with me just in case.
FYI - In the military commissary, they put the groceries in your vehicle, for a tip. Yeah, it's not kindness or for free...and it's not always exactly optional. You better have those bills at the ready. Seriously, don’t forget the tip! No one told me the process the first time I went there and I about got my head torn off by this tiny little unassuming Korean lady. Have you been cussed out and yelled at by a cute old little Korean lady? She was for real about those two to three dollars and asked what my freaking problem was. I don’t know what else she said or called me but I feel like I’d rather get cussed out in French or Italian over Korean. Perhaps Gaelic would be nice to be cursed at in because it sounds so much prettier. I was like DAMN lady! What’d I do? Found out later. I do not forget the tip…
Back to the story.
So I didn’t have a cart to hold because this super cute little lady was taking the groceries to the van. CRAP!!! No more walker! It was so bad I had the 14 year old hold the 7 year old’s hand in the parking lot and I held onto my 16 year old’s arm for dear life. I went to the E.R. the next morning after dropping the 7 year old off at school. I grabbed an “official” blue barf bag at the hospital because I’ve hardly been able to eat or hold food down without marijuana and I can’t have that until after I pick up my youngest from school. Let me tell you, it’s been super fun and entertaining; because I love the super model diet, I mean anorexia and vomiting. I believe it’s back to pureed food again but we’ll see. Thing is, I don’t have the energy right not to make it. Yes ladies and gentleman, I have the 411 on some adult friendly geriatric pureed food recopies because veggie baby food sucks. They spit that out for a legit reason.
I make my big boys drive with me because I cannot be alone in the car right now so I had my 14 year old come with me to pick up my youngest son from school while my 16 year old, bless his heart, vacuumed the downstairs for me while I was gone so I wouldn't have to deal with the noise. We're in the van and this conversation happens.
My 14 year old says, “ I see you have an elephant condom.”
I’m like, “WHAT!?!”
He’s like, “You have another barf bag”.
I’m like, “OMG that’s hilarious! Where’d you get that!?!”
He goes, “Umm, you.”
So I laugh and I’m like, “Damn I’m funny!
But, I had no recollection of having ever said that. That’s one thing about the neurological symptoms of Lupus, is you forget things, including things you say. So sometimes, I hear a joke and it's like brand new, even if I was the one that made it up. Often, it's even funnier finding out it came from you when you had no clue until you were told. I called my blue barf bag an elephant condom to my big boys....lol!
Ok, post E.R,. yesterday's appointment…. Not good. Not real bad because we don’t know anything yet. My heart rate was 45 so I suppose that explains a thing or two…like the increase of super fun shiny objects; especially the ones that are falling, but not falling, my inability to pay attention to much of anything, my recent breathing issues…. Not my eye and ear issues though. I'm being sent to a neurologist. Finally! I am also getting an MRI with contrast and blood work because the prognoses given were hypothyroid disorder or MS, or both.
If I have Lupus and MS, I’ll be in a group more elite than MENSA. I suppose that can be a silver lining.. I mean we knew I was “special” but damn! The thyroid issue would explain my lack of weight loss despite the hours of super sexy Zumba dance/stumbling in my living room and super diet (except for during this whole tooth thing but though I had ice cream mostly, I still did not eat much throughout the day at all). If I have to go through this not eating thing, I’d like my “assets” to give me a break and stop hoarding the fat like there's about to be seven year of famine. Let it go! Let it go! FYI, I have a parody of, Let it go, called, “Prednisone” coming out in a Lupus blog near you, hopefully sometime next week.
Have a great day everyone!
I went to the E.R. day before yesterday. I went to the civilian E.R. to avoid getting treated like garbage by the military E.R. I did try for days to get an appointment with my doctor and was told to go to the E.R because nothing was available within a month… So, for you E.R. doctors out there… It wasn’t my choice. The trek out of the way was all for not because I was treated like crap anyway and sent home. I cried, begging the doctor to help me, and I got shot up with Toradol and sent out without your typical 10- 15 min post shot wait. They got me right out of there moments after the shot. I didn't want drugs. I wanted to find out why this was happening. Nice guys! I went crying to my clinic and holy cow!!! They magically found an opening for me to be seen yesterday. But first, lets rewind because no one knows why I went in the first place.
I’m walking through the grocery store and my youngest has to go to the bathroom. I send the 14 year old to escort the 7 year old in the men’s bathroom because the family bathroom was occupied. I’m standing there and I’m like WOW! I’m not falling but I feel like I’m falling and the wall full of Back-to-school snack products is falling too. But we’re not falling. Nope. Not sunshine acid or any other psychoactive drugs, just my normal Lupus ones. The walls stop floating eventually and I’m like, ok, lets go. Though I was holding on to the cart, I’d fall to the sides and grab on to my boys’ shirts so as to not face plant and require a clean up in isle 5.
I feel like we got through most of the store with my having a slight drunk walk/stumble and all of a sudden, the lights are painful. It’s near death experience bright, only not peaceful and it hurts. So, I’m wearing my sunglasses and stumbling through the grocery store, with kids, looking like I’m on a bender. YAY LUPUS!!! So glad I did not have the police called on me because out side looking in, I would have seen me and been like, that bitch ain’t driving those kids! Next thing I know, my ears hurt. The pain comes and goes but holy crap it is excruciating. I couldn’t eat and I made sure to have a barf bag, aka grocery bag, with me just in case.
FYI - In the military commissary, they put the groceries in your vehicle, for a tip. Yeah, it's not kindness or for free...and it's not always exactly optional. You better have those bills at the ready. Seriously, don’t forget the tip! No one told me the process the first time I went there and I about got my head torn off by this tiny little unassuming Korean lady. Have you been cussed out and yelled at by a cute old little Korean lady? She was for real about those two to three dollars and asked what my freaking problem was. I don’t know what else she said or called me but I feel like I’d rather get cussed out in French or Italian over Korean. Perhaps Gaelic would be nice to be cursed at in because it sounds so much prettier. I was like DAMN lady! What’d I do? Found out later. I do not forget the tip…
Back to the story.
So I didn’t have a cart to hold because this super cute little lady was taking the groceries to the van. CRAP!!! No more walker! It was so bad I had the 14 year old hold the 7 year old’s hand in the parking lot and I held onto my 16 year old’s arm for dear life. I went to the E.R. the next morning after dropping the 7 year old off at school. I grabbed an “official” blue barf bag at the hospital because I’ve hardly been able to eat or hold food down without marijuana and I can’t have that until after I pick up my youngest from school. Let me tell you, it’s been super fun and entertaining; because I love the super model diet, I mean anorexia and vomiting. I believe it’s back to pureed food again but we’ll see. Thing is, I don’t have the energy right not to make it. Yes ladies and gentleman, I have the 411 on some adult friendly geriatric pureed food recopies because veggie baby food sucks. They spit that out for a legit reason.
I make my big boys drive with me because I cannot be alone in the car right now so I had my 14 year old come with me to pick up my youngest son from school while my 16 year old, bless his heart, vacuumed the downstairs for me while I was gone so I wouldn't have to deal with the noise. We're in the van and this conversation happens.
My 14 year old says, “ I see you have an elephant condom.”
I’m like, “WHAT!?!”
He’s like, “You have another barf bag”.
I’m like, “OMG that’s hilarious! Where’d you get that!?!”
He goes, “Umm, you.”
So I laugh and I’m like, “Damn I’m funny!
But, I had no recollection of having ever said that. That’s one thing about the neurological symptoms of Lupus, is you forget things, including things you say. So sometimes, I hear a joke and it's like brand new, even if I was the one that made it up. Often, it's even funnier finding out it came from you when you had no clue until you were told. I called my blue barf bag an elephant condom to my big boys....lol!
Ok, post E.R,. yesterday's appointment…. Not good. Not real bad because we don’t know anything yet. My heart rate was 45 so I suppose that explains a thing or two…like the increase of super fun shiny objects; especially the ones that are falling, but not falling, my inability to pay attention to much of anything, my recent breathing issues…. Not my eye and ear issues though. I'm being sent to a neurologist. Finally! I am also getting an MRI with contrast and blood work because the prognoses given were hypothyroid disorder or MS, or both.
If I have Lupus and MS, I’ll be in a group more elite than MENSA. I suppose that can be a silver lining.. I mean we knew I was “special” but damn! The thyroid issue would explain my lack of weight loss despite the hours of super sexy Zumba dance/stumbling in my living room and super diet (except for during this whole tooth thing but though I had ice cream mostly, I still did not eat much throughout the day at all). If I have to go through this not eating thing, I’d like my “assets” to give me a break and stop hoarding the fat like there's about to be seven year of famine. Let it go! Let it go! FYI, I have a parody of, Let it go, called, “Prednisone” coming out in a Lupus blog near you, hopefully sometime next week.
Have a great day everyone!
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