I'm not high! I have Lupus!
Greetings everyone!!! So, over a thousand viewers, but no followers. Why? Well, I didn’t have a “follow” button on my page. Go me! Lol! Well, if you like my blog, please click follow. I’d sure appreciate it.
Now, on to the post. Anyone know what it’s like to walk around stoned, without actually getting stoned? Yesterday, on my Facebook page,I saw MyLupusCorner talk about Lupus fog being a frequently experienced symptom of Lupus flares. Ironically, I’ve been dealing with this symptom during my latest flare hardcore, but I wasn’t overly knowledgeable about this issue and all it entails until I recently researched it and recognized it as being among my catalog of symptoms. I feel like Lupus fog and other CNS issues like aphasia (recall and speaking issues) can go hand in hand, but they don’t always have to occur simultaneously. I could be wrong but hear me out.
I have recall, speaking, and memory issues, almost always. My husband, who isn’t noted as having the best memory, is now the bill payer, appointment reminder, and my escort to all appointments because I have to defer to him regarding my symptoms. Why? I can’t remember. Honestly, I’ve lost entire conversations with people. I do not however, experience the “fog” with these symptoms even half of the time. What I perceive as being the “fog” is something else. I mean, it’s a trip. Seriously, minus talking trees and liquid walls it‘s a literal trip. I’m going to take you step-by-step on my journey into the “lupus fog” and you tell me if you agree and/or experience the same thing.
Once upon a time, in a world called Fantasia, the Nothing took over, everything. It was later renamed, Lupus fog…..
So, the other day, I was getting down to my, Marlon Alves, Zumba dance Youtube play list (I love his choreography and have dropped a few pounds so far so thank you Mr. Alves), and an hour in, I felt it. A disconcerting calm entering my head followed but a full body fatigue that let me know the dancing was about over. It always warns me it’s coming but it’s like a toddler saying, I have to pee. They say it, and then do it two seconds after. It’s more of an announcement and I absolutely cannot stop or prevent it once it begins. Well, you know me well enough by now, if you’ve been reading my posts, to know, I wasn’t done yet. Psh, like something like fatigue is gonna stop my mad grooves. Ha! My living room is Club Michelle for about two hours generally so, one more song…. Or not because, the vertigo started. It wasn’t bad. Things weren’t spinning like I’d just laid down after drinking half the bar. It was slow, calm, and the world around me moved normal but I perceived it as being in slow motion. I felt heavy, lethargic, and couldn’t get up because I felt as though I was going to pass out, minus the whole everything getting darker thing. When I laid my head down, I felt like I was also floating.
It’s like being involuntarily stoned, only "I did not inhale", which, let me tell you, is super fun when you're in the middle of hiking, riding your bike, or trying to explain that you're not driving under the influence Officer.... I couldn’t walk particularly straight, and I stumbled a little (then again I have children who leave booby-traps, I mean, toys all over the floor). I tried to reel myself in, but it totally had a hold of me and there was nothing I could do but try to explain to my family that I was not firing on all cylinders at the moment. I couldn’t hold a productive or even comprehensive conversation because if I had issues with shiny objects before, yes I do, I was totally screwed now as my head became an empty void where words and thoughts got lost. My entire body was fatigued and my mind was working as fast as my children clean their rooms. I remember looking at my husband talking to me, having no idea what he was saying, and simply nodding, I imagine with glazed over eyes. OH WOW!!! I became a man!
If you watch Jill Bolte Taylor’s you tube video on what her stroke felt like, you can grasp what my Lupus fog feels like when it’s the strongest, only I don’t have half of my brain coming online saying, something is wrong. My mind is so sluggish, the words and thoughts in my own head process as fast as a fight scene from, 300. My head is completely silent, apart from the words I’m trying to think of prior to opening up my mouth. God knows what I’d say if I didn’t take that half an hour to form a meaningful and comprehensive sentence in my head before actually speaking.
Needless to say, I haven’t been driving much during this flare because I never know when the fog is going to rear it’s ugly head. Further, it’s been a bit nerve wracking going out in public because I go from normal to Dazed and Confused as fast as Lindsey Lohan switches rehabs.
Well, I have a cake to finish for my mother-in-law’s birthday tomorrow. It’s a white coconut cake with coconut Swiss-meringue buttercream and a fresh tropical fruit filling. I’m hoping she and the family likes it. I’ll post a picture of it tomorrow or the next day. Have a great day everyone and please, let me know your Lupus fog experiences.
Now, on to the post. Anyone know what it’s like to walk around stoned, without actually getting stoned? Yesterday, on my Facebook page,I saw MyLupusCorner talk about Lupus fog being a frequently experienced symptom of Lupus flares. Ironically, I’ve been dealing with this symptom during my latest flare hardcore, but I wasn’t overly knowledgeable about this issue and all it entails until I recently researched it and recognized it as being among my catalog of symptoms. I feel like Lupus fog and other CNS issues like aphasia (recall and speaking issues) can go hand in hand, but they don’t always have to occur simultaneously. I could be wrong but hear me out.
I have recall, speaking, and memory issues, almost always. My husband, who isn’t noted as having the best memory, is now the bill payer, appointment reminder, and my escort to all appointments because I have to defer to him regarding my symptoms. Why? I can’t remember. Honestly, I’ve lost entire conversations with people. I do not however, experience the “fog” with these symptoms even half of the time. What I perceive as being the “fog” is something else. I mean, it’s a trip. Seriously, minus talking trees and liquid walls it‘s a literal trip. I’m going to take you step-by-step on my journey into the “lupus fog” and you tell me if you agree and/or experience the same thing.
Once upon a time, in a world called Fantasia, the Nothing took over, everything. It was later renamed, Lupus fog…..
So, the other day, I was getting down to my, Marlon Alves, Zumba dance Youtube play list (I love his choreography and have dropped a few pounds so far so thank you Mr. Alves), and an hour in, I felt it. A disconcerting calm entering my head followed but a full body fatigue that let me know the dancing was about over. It always warns me it’s coming but it’s like a toddler saying, I have to pee. They say it, and then do it two seconds after. It’s more of an announcement and I absolutely cannot stop or prevent it once it begins. Well, you know me well enough by now, if you’ve been reading my posts, to know, I wasn’t done yet. Psh, like something like fatigue is gonna stop my mad grooves. Ha! My living room is Club Michelle for about two hours generally so, one more song…. Or not because, the vertigo started. It wasn’t bad. Things weren’t spinning like I’d just laid down after drinking half the bar. It was slow, calm, and the world around me moved normal but I perceived it as being in slow motion. I felt heavy, lethargic, and couldn’t get up because I felt as though I was going to pass out, minus the whole everything getting darker thing. When I laid my head down, I felt like I was also floating.
It’s like being involuntarily stoned, only "I did not inhale", which, let me tell you, is super fun when you're in the middle of hiking, riding your bike, or trying to explain that you're not driving under the influence Officer.... I couldn’t walk particularly straight, and I stumbled a little (then again I have children who leave booby-traps, I mean, toys all over the floor). I tried to reel myself in, but it totally had a hold of me and there was nothing I could do but try to explain to my family that I was not firing on all cylinders at the moment. I couldn’t hold a productive or even comprehensive conversation because if I had issues with shiny objects before, yes I do, I was totally screwed now as my head became an empty void where words and thoughts got lost. My entire body was fatigued and my mind was working as fast as my children clean their rooms. I remember looking at my husband talking to me, having no idea what he was saying, and simply nodding, I imagine with glazed over eyes. OH WOW!!! I became a man!
If you watch Jill Bolte Taylor’s you tube video on what her stroke felt like, you can grasp what my Lupus fog feels like when it’s the strongest, only I don’t have half of my brain coming online saying, something is wrong. My mind is so sluggish, the words and thoughts in my own head process as fast as a fight scene from, 300. My head is completely silent, apart from the words I’m trying to think of prior to opening up my mouth. God knows what I’d say if I didn’t take that half an hour to form a meaningful and comprehensive sentence in my head before actually speaking.
Needless to say, I haven’t been driving much during this flare because I never know when the fog is going to rear it’s ugly head. Further, it’s been a bit nerve wracking going out in public because I go from normal to Dazed and Confused as fast as Lindsey Lohan switches rehabs.
Well, I have a cake to finish for my mother-in-law’s birthday tomorrow. It’s a white coconut cake with coconut Swiss-meringue buttercream and a fresh tropical fruit filling. I’m hoping she and the family likes it. I’ll post a picture of it tomorrow or the next day. Have a great day everyone and please, let me know your Lupus fog experiences.
Wow! Thank you for helping me to understand those times when chasing thoughts in my head searching for coherence feels like race to nowhere. Your post helped me connect some very elusive dots! Thank you!
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