Just because I'm chasing you doesn't mean I'm crazy
Hello everyone!!!! So, I get that it can be awkward to discuss Lupus or other diseases with people when you don’t have it or you don’t know what it is. But, for me, the most awkward conversations regarding the disease are when people are like, my friend’s wife er whoever has lupus. Ummm, ok. Sweet. We have that in common. It gets even better. “My friend or my husband’s wife has Lupus but she’s doing great. She just really plans her vacations carefully because apparently sun can be an issue”. Sure, yeah it can…. Which is crap. I’m from Southern California. I love the sun! I love summer. It’s my favorite season. So, I want this as my compromise. Since the sun can be my enemy hardcore, I wanna be a vampire. I want to glitter in the sun like the Twilight vampires and have to get out of the light because people can’t handle my shiny awesomeness. Plus I want to run super fast, be super strong, and I want to be healed.
By the way, I’d love a vacation. I’d love to be able to afford a vacation. If I could afford a vacation, I still couldn’t go because I’m not well enough at this point to do it. And how is your friend or whoever relevant to my picking up my children from school? Is knowing someone with Lupus like the Lupus version of, “I have a black friend”? Is that your way to prove you associate with someone else who has this disease? I won’t tell people with cancer that my grandmother had it. Or that one of my grandmothers died from it. It’s not about me, and no one with a chronic disease wants to hear about how other people have died from said disease. It’s about the person with cancer, or to make it easier if you don‘t want to talk about the cancer, change the subject. We like to talk about other things because honestly, our lives are so consumed with the disease, we often welcome a diversion.
I get it if you want to bring up that a family member you’re close to has Lupus as a way to show you understand what I’m going through. However, I don’t care about random people you know or somewhat know nor do I want you to regale me with stories of their awesome life this disease while I’m standing there un-showered, nauseous, and with my cane because I get dizzy and lose my balance. Perhaps the guy was trying to do a good thing. I feel like that’s what most people are going for when they’re faced with discussing something uncomfortable but don’t know how to approach it, like this today.
Honestly though, if you don’t know, ask. If you don’t want to know, change the subject. If you’re not close to the person with the disease, it’s totally ok to be like, “Man that sucks. So, you see any good movies lately?” I’d rather talk about something else instead of hear how your friend’s son died from Lupus or your friend has it and just plans her vacations carefully. Especially not when I’m talking about taking my son to the doctor to possibly get an authorization for a skin biopsy to check for an autoimmune disorder. Ummm, I’m a little nervous right now…. For real. Small talk is fine. Unless you completely understand what I’m going through, leave it alone or genuinely ask about it. I don’t care about someone with Lupus that I don’t know who is taking vacations. I’m happy for her, but that’s just not where I am right now soooo, thank you for trying.
Anyway, completely different subject, I smile at most everyone. I smile and nod at strangers as I pass them by. Sometimes I even say, “Good morning”. I’ll compliment a stranger on their shirt or hair. Why? Because it’s nice to do. Everyone should have their “special button” pushed sometimes. It’s polite and kind. I do it no matter how shitty I feel, so I could be feeling like I got hit by a truck and I‘m gonna smile at you, most of the time. If you hate me and I know it, I’m still going to smile and nod at you. Why? Because you hating me isn’t my problem. I smile and nod at people I don’t like. Why? Because why cause problems and stress out over someone I don’t like?”
You never know what you can do for a person by simply giving them a genuine smile and making them smile. My 10th grade English teacher taught me that. His name is Kendall Youngland. He told a story about making a woman at Taco Bell smile when she handed him his bag of food by genuinely smiling at her and how one smile can impact someone’s day. The class laughed at him but I was like, “Yeah!“ I’ll never forget him and the real life lessons he taught beyond the books. He was an advocate for altruism, and so am I. But, I fucked up and scared the hell out of some lady the other day by being nice.
So, this lady at my son’s school was hiding her face in her hat and her shirt by shrugging her shoulders as she left the building. I saw her face was bright red and that can be an issue for people with Lupus sometimes. Well, I saw her and abruptly ran outside after her to tell her she didn’t need to hide because she was beautiful whether her face was red or not. She looked mortified. She managed to regurgitate a scared, forced, “Thank you”. It almost sounded like she was asking a question, “Thank you?” She and I haven’t locked eyes since.
I mean, nothing like having some crazy lady literally run after you and draw attention to the red face you’re noticeably trying to hide as crowds of other parents hear her making a big deal about your hiding it and being beautiful regardless as they pass by. There is such thing as being too obtrusively and embarrassingly nice. That poor woman was terrified, and one of her friends already hates me for reasons unknown so, go Michelle!!! Way to make friends. You know what though? Oh well, I tried. A for effort I suppose.
Oh yeah! The 14-year-old found Pinkie Pie. It was awesome! Good night everyone!
By the way, I’d love a vacation. I’d love to be able to afford a vacation. If I could afford a vacation, I still couldn’t go because I’m not well enough at this point to do it. And how is your friend or whoever relevant to my picking up my children from school? Is knowing someone with Lupus like the Lupus version of, “I have a black friend”? Is that your way to prove you associate with someone else who has this disease? I won’t tell people with cancer that my grandmother had it. Or that one of my grandmothers died from it. It’s not about me, and no one with a chronic disease wants to hear about how other people have died from said disease. It’s about the person with cancer, or to make it easier if you don‘t want to talk about the cancer, change the subject. We like to talk about other things because honestly, our lives are so consumed with the disease, we often welcome a diversion.
I get it if you want to bring up that a family member you’re close to has Lupus as a way to show you understand what I’m going through. However, I don’t care about random people you know or somewhat know nor do I want you to regale me with stories of their awesome life this disease while I’m standing there un-showered, nauseous, and with my cane because I get dizzy and lose my balance. Perhaps the guy was trying to do a good thing. I feel like that’s what most people are going for when they’re faced with discussing something uncomfortable but don’t know how to approach it, like this today.
Honestly though, if you don’t know, ask. If you don’t want to know, change the subject. If you’re not close to the person with the disease, it’s totally ok to be like, “Man that sucks. So, you see any good movies lately?” I’d rather talk about something else instead of hear how your friend’s son died from Lupus or your friend has it and just plans her vacations carefully. Especially not when I’m talking about taking my son to the doctor to possibly get an authorization for a skin biopsy to check for an autoimmune disorder. Ummm, I’m a little nervous right now…. For real. Small talk is fine. Unless you completely understand what I’m going through, leave it alone or genuinely ask about it. I don’t care about someone with Lupus that I don’t know who is taking vacations. I’m happy for her, but that’s just not where I am right now soooo, thank you for trying.
Anyway, completely different subject, I smile at most everyone. I smile and nod at strangers as I pass them by. Sometimes I even say, “Good morning”. I’ll compliment a stranger on their shirt or hair. Why? Because it’s nice to do. Everyone should have their “special button” pushed sometimes. It’s polite and kind. I do it no matter how shitty I feel, so I could be feeling like I got hit by a truck and I‘m gonna smile at you, most of the time. If you hate me and I know it, I’m still going to smile and nod at you. Why? Because you hating me isn’t my problem. I smile and nod at people I don’t like. Why? Because why cause problems and stress out over someone I don’t like?”
You never know what you can do for a person by simply giving them a genuine smile and making them smile. My 10th grade English teacher taught me that. His name is Kendall Youngland. He told a story about making a woman at Taco Bell smile when she handed him his bag of food by genuinely smiling at her and how one smile can impact someone’s day. The class laughed at him but I was like, “Yeah!“ I’ll never forget him and the real life lessons he taught beyond the books. He was an advocate for altruism, and so am I. But, I fucked up and scared the hell out of some lady the other day by being nice.
So, this lady at my son’s school was hiding her face in her hat and her shirt by shrugging her shoulders as she left the building. I saw her face was bright red and that can be an issue for people with Lupus sometimes. Well, I saw her and abruptly ran outside after her to tell her she didn’t need to hide because she was beautiful whether her face was red or not. She looked mortified. She managed to regurgitate a scared, forced, “Thank you”. It almost sounded like she was asking a question, “Thank you?” She and I haven’t locked eyes since.
I mean, nothing like having some crazy lady literally run after you and draw attention to the red face you’re noticeably trying to hide as crowds of other parents hear her making a big deal about your hiding it and being beautiful regardless as they pass by. There is such thing as being too obtrusively and embarrassingly nice. That poor woman was terrified, and one of her friends already hates me for reasons unknown so, go Michelle!!! Way to make friends. You know what though? Oh well, I tried. A for effort I suppose.
Oh yeah! The 14-year-old found Pinkie Pie. It was awesome! Good night everyone!
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