She Hulk Kicked My Recycling

September 12, 2017

Hello everyone! So, I feel drugged today. I feel like I had the greatest night out with the ladies drinking and partying. I did none of that. It's my cycle. The estrogen has risen and my body shut it down yesterday. I was in and out of consciousness from 5pm yesterday till 6:05 this morning (I needed that 5 minute snooze). I could have snorted caffeine and cocaine, taken a shot of adrenaline and I still would have passed out. I had no choice about it. I was supposed to make bread because we don't buy it anymore. My eldest son would have to wake me up here and there to get verbal assistance because he chose to do it for me. Fortunately, it turned out well, I gave him a cookbook handed down to me from my mother. Thank you Mom! We make rolls instead of loaves so we don't have weird uneven slices. It works and they love it.

I wasn't sure what the hell was going on at first. I need to get back on ovulation strips and start writing down cycle estimation dates so that I don't wonder why I'm so tired and such a bitch sometimes. I'd rather be bitchy for logical reasons over simply being hormonal. See, I lost my uterus. I don't get those "obvious" signs it's coming but it still gets here. Lupus attacked my uterus after my last son was born and the tissue was literally destroyed. Had they not taken it out I would have bled out. YAY for modern medicine!

Given that I'm on prednisone right now, I thought I was a raging asshole because of the roids. You know what's worse than roid rage? PMS roid rage. My headaches always get worse with an estrogen boost so I was especially chipper yesterday. I took my prednisone and a while later I felt the pissed off swell from deep inside and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep She Hulk down. That bitch wouldn't be suppressed. She jumped right out an you know what she did!?! She flipped out, kicked the recycling bag full of plastic bottles and boxes which flew everywhere, and yelled at the 14-year-old who was home sick (He was fine) because he didn't take it out like he was told.

To make it all even more fun, each tiny bite I'd try to eat would leave me dry heaving so I was hungry, had a raging headache, and my stomach was growling. My stomach was taunting me like an asshole.... I want food but I also don't want it so you're gonna throw it up if you try, typical pissed off woman that stomach has been lately, I simply cannot win with it. I tried Zofran but it's as effective as a broken condom.. Wow, lots of condoms lately. I took another anti nausea med, can't remember the name, don't want to grab the bottle right now, didn't work either. I needed to get my son from school and get home so I could have some marijuana to eat something. It's the only thing that's been helping and even still, I've only been able to eat a little, until yesterday. I ate like a big man on a binge. I ate two gluten free, dairy free Annie's burritos, three banana muffins (homemade, low sugar), and a gluten free breakfast pizza because that's what my boys made for dinner. I ate more last night than I had in the last three days combined and it was all within four hours between bouts of unconsciousness. I almost threw it all up. Any woman knows, food binge, tiredness, crankiness, that's not disease, it's the bitch off. It's just heightened for me because of Lupus and prednisone. Small prayer for my family..

Tomorrow it will be two weeks of my not being able to eat more than a meal or so a day, despite marijuana; yesterday being the exception.

I think God knocked me out because the alternative may have been a combination of screaming, crying, projectiles, and possibly handcuffs. Thank you God. My children thank you too. I did get a little bit of Zumba in though before the cycle hibernation period.

This last weekend I got to actually work out since my heart is normalizing. You would not be believe what I can do when I'm "normal". Pictures at the bottom.

I'll have to post some pictures of me sparring. I have so much weight to lose again. I can do it, I just need Lupus to calm down. But, telling Lupus to calm down is like telling an angry woman to calm down, it just doesn't work, but I can do this. I haven't used my awesome Fitbit in a while. Not really since my tooth issue. We'd argue. It would tell me I need to walk and I would say no because I hurt and it would buzz at me and I'd yell at it and hate myself so I put it away to help to reduce the self loathing. I will be charging it today and I will be using it next week because I don't want to start in the middle of the week since it will show that I've done nothing prior to putting it on. And, who wants that kind of negativity? Well gotta get going. Have a great day everyone!